The Sadness of the Scissors

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Get a pencil and paper, because you may have to take notes to follow me.

This is why I have a Hello Kitty bandage on my left bird finger.

First, an illustrative photo. Keep it handy.

ScissorsOkay. So I was setting up one of Mom’s enteral feedings, opening the cans with that white-and-red can-opener thingy. You snug the tab into a slot in the end and lever the tab up.

Only the tab broke off inside the slot and stuck there. I use that thing all the time, so I needed to get the tab out.

Mr. Icepick to the rescue! I took the guard off the icepick — oops, no, the guard stayed on but the dull end came out of the handle, as it frequently does (I use the icepick to poke a hole in her medicine gelcap so I can squeeze the liquid into the water that all her medicine is dissolved in to put down her G-tube). THEN I took the guard off and got the tab out.

While I had the icepick out, I decided to mend it, so I got out the craft glue.

The cap of the craft glue wouldn’t come off (Hello? Glue?), so I got out the scissors and cut a little slit in the tube.

Icepick: mended!

Now, anybody who knows me knows I can’t be trusted with glue. There was glue all over me, all over the kitchen counter, and all over the scissors. So I cleaned everything up.

But

The goddamn scissors bit me! The freakin’ TOP of the blade is like a razor! I’m like, If the bad guys ever come for me, I want to be carrying those scissors.

Day-yum.

So that’s why I’m wearing a bandage on my left bird finger.

I’m posting today at Fatal Foodies about a soup that turned out very differently than I planned, but delightful in another way.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: Your character has a complicated accident.

MA

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About

I was born in Louisville, Kentucky, but now live in the woods in southern Indiana. Though I only write fiction, I love to read non-fiction. The more I learn about this world, the more fantastic I see it is.

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One thought on “The Sadness of the Scissors”

  1. Dan Antion
    Twitter:

    August 16, 2016 at 7:31am

    When I read “can” “can opener” “ice pick” “Scissors” – I just knew this couldn’t possibly end well, Marian. Why not just take out the clever?

    I hope your finger heals (as I assume you might be wishing you could use it now 🙂

    Seriously, of all the craft supply problems I’ve ever had, the worst ones involve glue.
    Dan Antion would love to share..CT Civilian Conservation Corps MuseumMy Profile

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  2. Jane
    Twitter:

    August 16, 2016 at 9:07am

    At least you had some proper glue. That E6000 is the bomb!

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  3. Joey
    Twitter:

    August 16, 2016 at 12:08pm

    Oh Marian, this is exactly the sort of thing that happens to me. Just know that I know. I understand this series of events. I am not epoxy-friendly. I have the same glue and lemme tell you, I’ve used it once. Now, I ask The Mister to use it. I’m not even allowed to be in the same room when he uses epoxies, lol!
    Joey would love to share..Die DoctorMy Profile

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    • Author

      Marian Allen
      Twitter:

      August 16, 2016 at 12:22pm

      I’m glad I’m not alone. When I volunteered at the library, they wanted me to repair books. Fortunately, they gave me a throw-away to practice on. Lissen, if Spiderman and Slimer had a baby, and it got really ticked off at me, that’s what I looked like when somebody came and cut me free. Lucy Ricardo couldn’t have made more of a mess with Groucho Marx giving her instructions.
      Marian Allen would love to share..A DEAD GUY AT THE SUMMERHOUSEMy Profile

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