In this excerpt, Tiny is going to Scrappy’s junkyard to get a part for a washing machine. Lonnie wants to come along. In a moment of weakness, Tiny agrees. Lonnie believes Scrappy has “a garden of unearthly pleasure,” which Tiny puts down as nonsense, but nonsense never stopped Lonnie from getting into trouble.

Don’t Get Happy With Scrappy

excerpt from “Lonnie, Me, and the Junkyard of Forbidden Delights”
by Marian Allen

We were about halfway to Scrappy’s when Lonnie stopped playing two-second roulette with the radio and said,

“Say, Tiny, did you ever read a book about this guy, Don Juan?”

“Are you back harping on man troubles? Is there something you want to talk to me about, buddy? – Did the girls go off together so Leona could get advice from Mary Lee and you could get advice from me?”

“From you?”

I thought the giant, economy-sized load of disbelief he put in those two words was entirely uncalled for.

“Yes, from me!”

“What in the world are you talking about? What’s Don Juan got to do with man troubles?”

“He was kind of well-known for not having them.”

“He was?”

“The one I read about was.”

“They must be two of them, then. This one was Mexican or something, and he was like magical. Mushrooms and stuff. I picked up this book about him in the restaurant the other night and read some of it while Leona was in the ladies’ room. It was wrote by this guy Carl Castanet or something. That’s what got me thinking about Scrappy.”

“I don’t eat mushrooms, as a rule,” I said. “Too squidgy.”

“These’ns make you happy.” He leaned around so I could see his face – and not as much of the road as I generally like to see – and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Is that what you’re going to Scrappy’s for? Happy mushrooms?”

“Nah. Something better.”

“Better than happy? What – Unearthily pleased from unearthly pleasures?”

He didn’t answer.

I risked a glance at him, but he was looking out the side window.

“You better leave them happy mushrooms alone. And everything else he sells besides scrap. You hear me?”

He shrugged.

“Do. You. Hear. Me?”

“I hear you.”

“No happy stuff. I’m serious. Okay?”

“Okay, okay!”

I pulled into the scrap yard and turned off the motor.

~*~

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Or you can buy LONNIE, ME AND THE HOUND OF HELL, which contains the first Lonnie and Tiny story plus about nine other of my odd animal stories, for 99 cents.

A WRITING PROMPT FROM ME TO YOU: Two friends, one sensible and one … not … go somewhere together with the sensible one planning no nonsense.

MA