One of the Lonnie and Tiny stories in my collection, LONNIE, ME, AND…. is about the Christmas decoration Lonnie bought for his wife. It’s huge, and he needs Tiny to help him install it on the roof.
excerpt from “Lonnie, Me, and the Blowed-Up Santa
by Marian Allen
I sent Mary Lee home for another couple of lengths of rope so I could tie the blower to Santa’s cement blocks so the dang thing wouldn’t fall off the roof. I felt pretty safe, myself, but the longer this nonsense went on, the less confidence I had of Lonnie living through it. I didn’t really think I’d push my best friend off the roof, but I wasn’t for certain-sure MaryLee wouldn’t go up after him.
By the time we got – and I use the word “we”loosely – everything set up and plugged in and turned on, the sun was going down. One gold ray broke through a cloud and lit up the front of the Santa as he filled out with pumped air and stood to attention. It hit this ball he was holding. The ball shivered as it inflated, sending silver glitter swirling all around the inside of it and making the swaddled Baby Jesus in there bounce around like a peanut in a tornado.
Down on the ground, Leona broke into applause.
Mary Lee said, “Oh, my God!”
Leona hugged her and said, “I know! I know!” She blew her nose.
I held onto one of the guy ropes with both hands and did not look at Mary Lee.
“She likes it,” Lonnie said, proudly.
“Good job, buddy,” I said. “You made that woman’s Christmas.”
“I did, didn’t I? Yep. I guess I sure did. And now watch. She don’t know about this, yet.”
He reached up and goosed Santa in the butt. Apparently, what he really did was flip a battery switch, because Santa lit up all glowy inside,and the Baby Jesus’ glitter sparkled. I had a sudden – probably blasphemous -vision of Him ascending into heaven saying, “Beam me up, Scotty.” Down below, Leona squealed, “Oh, Lonnie! I’m gonna call the Praise Chain right now!”
Buy LONNIE, ME, AND….
Or you can buy LONNIE, ME AND THE HOUND OF HELL, which contains the first Lonnie and Tiny story plus about nine other of my odd animal stories, for 99 cents.
A WRITING PROMPT FROM ME TO YOU: Does your main character decorate for holidays? Tastefully, or … not?