The Adventure of the Windshield Wipers

Okay, so I drove to New Albany, about a half-hour away. It was raining. Now, I like driving in the rain a little bit less than Bruce Willis likes walking barefoot on broken glass, so the adventure begins.

ME: It is raining harder. I will turn the windshield wipers onto the gofastest setting.

WINDSHIELD WIPERS: We hate each other and now we are going to fight!

DRIVER’S SIDE WIPER: Have at thee!

PASSENGER SIDE WIPER: Eat cold steel, thou dastardly poltroon!



DRIVER’S SIDE WIPER: Take that! and that! and that!

PASSENGER SIDE WIPER: ‘Tis but a scratch!

DRIVER’S SIDE WIPER: Well, yipee-ki-yay, then, and DIE!!!!


Okay, so, yeah, the passenger side wiper was all like busted and shredded and bits hanging off and stuff.

Happily, there was a Big O Tire place on my route, so I pulled in there and they retrieved all the body parts from the passenger side wiper, and I just had them replace both. I mean, the driver’s side wiper had already killed once; who was to say it wouldn’t kill again?

Ran my errand (the rain had stopped by then, of course) and got back on the expressway. Started to rain. Turned on my wipers.

WINDSHIELD WIPERS: We hate each other and now we are going to fight!


PASSENGER SIDE WIPER: I’ll be Darth Vader and you be Obi Wan Kenobi!

DRIVER’S SIDE WIPER: No! I don’t wanna fight after all! Help! [flops off the side of the windshield and sticks there]


Have you ever driven down the expressway in the rain looking out of the passenger side of the windshield because the driver’s side is totally obscured by rain? Well, I have.

I made it to our car repair place, Merritt’s, and they fiddled the diplomacy knob and made my wipers work and play well with one another again.

It was all very exciting.

I’m posting at Echelon Explorations today on the subject of Why Reviews Matter [link defunct].

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: Something a character takes for granted suddenly goes terribly wrong.



I was born in Louisville, Kentucky, but now live in the woods in southern Indiana. Though I only write fiction, I love to read non-fiction. The more I learn about this world, the more fantastic I see it is.

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One thought on “The Adventure of the Windshield Wipers

  1. Jane

    March 14, 2013 at 10:45am

    Forsooth! That is the most interesting conversation betwixt windshield wipers I Have ever had the occasion to hear. Thy recounting is worthy of thy chariot.

    Oh, boy, howdy, how reviews DO matter!

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      March 14, 2013 at 12:37pm

      Verily, they did cross swords, and Sir Passenger Side Wiper was all to-brast!

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  2. Sarah Glenn

    March 19, 2013 at 11:09am

    We had this experience… I was dating Gwen at the time.

    Her: Where are your tools?
    Me: Why would I have tools? I don’t know how to use them. (Also, none of the male geeks I had dated in KY knew how to use tools, either.)

    We found a garage that would let Gwen borrow a wrench long enough to remove one of the wipers. It takes two to duel, apparently.

    Now I know what they were saying to each other on I-75!

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      March 19, 2013 at 4:30pm

      LOL! I never thought of just making one of them go to its room until it got in a better mood!

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  3. Joy

    March 19, 2013 at 8:34pm

    Funny. You have a very creative and imaginative mind….

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  4. Stacey

    March 20, 2013 at 6:56pm

    Great. I will always remember this post every time I drive and see my own wipers.

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      March 20, 2013 at 9:26pm

      Stacey, I hope your wipers are always on good terms with one another!

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  5. Calra

    March 25, 2013 at 6:23am

    Conversations between wipers. OH, what an imagination you have. But I like it. Really like it…

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      March 25, 2013 at 9:19am

      Thanks, Calra. I’m glad you enjoyed it. It was a lot more enjoyable recounting it than experiencing it!

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply

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