Not Victoria’s Secret. Quite the contrary. For some reason, my mother gets a catalog from an outfit called Living Grace: Affordable Church Supplies Since 1948.

Now, this might not sound like much fun to you, but I’m here to tell you, I was rolling on the floor. This catalog is AWESOME!

Did you know, you can get your very own crown of thorns? 6″ diameter, boxed. It’s regularly $20, currently knocked down to $9.99. You can get enough ashes to anoint 500, too, for only $13.99 a bag.

Is it wrong for this to send me into whoops?

You can get an eight-piece resurrection set, including a tomb with a roll-away rock door, an angel, three astounded women, two astounded men, and Jesus — No, wait a minute, I have to show you this. Here is the picture. [1/18/2014 The item is no longer in the catalog, alas.]

I totally want this. I would make the guy in the black robe be all, “No way! You did NOT see the risen Lord! You’re just making that up. It always has to be about you, Mary Magdalen, doesn’t it?” And then Jesus would come up behind him and be all up in his grill and go like, “Don’t be dissin’ my homies.” And then he’d throw the guy in the black robe into the tomb and close it up and not let him out until he said, “Uncle!” and “I’m sorry! Mary Magdalene rules and I drool!” and, just for fun, “For the love of God, Montressor!”

You can get a wooden cross made to be gripped — No, look at this: [Alas, again.]

You could put a world of hurt on somebody, whacking him with that fist.

You can get clergy shirts with collars (insert collar for clergy shirts now on sale for $0.99 each). Imma have a non-clergy character buy some clergy shirts. Or maybe a burgundy coronation tapestry chasuble with matching inner stole, tailored for a beautiful drape with Velcro® side closures for non-slip fit.

Okay, there are some really good things in here, from church supplies to tooky little gifts. Fun to browse.

If you want to browse, too, go to the Living Grace web site and browse away. I’m keeping Mom’s catalog because I just can’t bear to give it up.

WRITING PROMPT: Would your main character want an action figure set of the primary moment of his/her religious tradition? What would he/she do with it?

MA