Fun With Catalogs

Not Victoria’s Secret. Quite the contrary. For some reason, my mother gets a catalog from an outfit called Living Grace: Affordable Church Supplies Since 1948.

Now, this might not sound like much fun to you, but I’m here to tell you, I was rolling on the floor. This catalog is AWESOME!

Did you know, you can get your very own crown of thorns? 6″ diameter, boxed. It’s regularly $20, currently knocked down to $9.99. You can get enough ashes to anoint 500, too, for only $13.99 a bag.

Is it wrong for this to send me into whoops?

You can get an eight-piece resurrection set, including a tomb with a roll-away rock door, an angel, three astounded women, two astounded men, and Jesus — No, wait a minute, I have to show you this. Here is the picture. [1/18/2014 The item is no longer in the catalog, alas.]

I totally want this. I would make the guy in the black robe be all, “No way! You did NOT see the risen Lord! You’re just making that up. It always has to be about you, Mary Magdalen, doesn’t it?” And then Jesus would come up behind him and be all up in his grill and go like, “Don’t be dissin’ my homies.” And then he’d throw the guy in the black robe into the tomb and close it up and not let him out until he said, “Uncle!” and “I’m sorry! Mary Magdalene rules and I drool!” and, just for fun, “For the love of God, Montressor!”

You can get a wooden cross made to be gripped — No, look at this: [Alas, again.]

You could put a world of hurt on somebody, whacking him with that fist.

You can get clergy shirts with collars (insert collar for clergy shirts now on sale for $0.99 each). Imma have a non-clergy character buy some clergy shirts. Or maybe a burgundy coronation tapestry chasuble with matching inner stole, tailored for a beautiful drape with Velcro® side closures for non-slip fit.

Okay, there are some really good things in here, from church supplies to tooky little gifts. Fun to browse.

If you want to browse, too, go to the Living Grace web site and browse away. I’m keeping Mom’s catalog because I just can’t bear to give it up.

WRITING PROMPT: Would your main character want an action figure set of the primary moment of his/her religious tradition? What would he/she do with it?


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I was born in Louisville, Kentucky, but now live in the woods in southern Indiana. Though I only write fiction, I love to read non-fiction. The more I learn about this world, the more fantastic I see it is.

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One thought on “Fun With Catalogs

  1. Leslie R. Lee

    February 5, 2011 at 1:57pm

    Want to see a photo of you in your crown o’ thorns ;-P

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
  2. jane

    January 19, 2014 at 10:43am

    I still wish I’d bought the Buddy Christ dashboard figure from the movie Dogma, by Kevin Smith.

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Marian Allen

      January 19, 2014 at 11:08am

      For sure! I still wish I could have afforded the My Dinner With Andre action figures I saw at Great Escape comic shop long ago.

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply
      • jane

        January 20, 2014 at 8:37am

        I once saw an Aunt May action figure. Is that an oxymoron, or not!?

        Permalink  ⋅ Reply
        • Author

          Marian Allen

          January 20, 2014 at 11:19am

          An Aunt May action figure? What did she do, clutch her heart and go have a sit-down?

          Permalink  ⋅ Reply

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