Happy Friday! Are you ready to waste a weekend with me, wandering through the leech-ridden swampland that is the internet? I knew you were!

I need to lose weight — yes, I know we need no ghost come from the grave to tell us that, but still. So I’ve been looking around at healthy tweaks to make to my already mostly healthy diet, and I came across Forks Over Knives. Now, I’ve always preferred forks over knives because forks have more pointy bits, but besides that, how could I resist a diet plan with the abbreviation of FOK? “What are you doing these days, MomGoth?” “Getting FOKed mostly.” “You wish.” Plus, I love their infographic of the foods you should eat. Unless they’ve changed it since I viewed it last, none of the labels point to what they say they do. “Veggies” points to a pile of pasta. “Tubers” points to an eggplant. Oh, I tell a lie: “Fruits” does point to a tomato, which, as every wise-ass schoolchild knows, is actually a fruit, but I think that was just a happy chance. WHATEVS, they have some good-looking recipes, so FOK it anyway.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE GREEN MAGIC HOMES? I WANT ONE SO HARD! I would put it in the back yard and grow food all over it. And I would love it and squeeze it and name it George. I mean … JUST LOOK! Alas, they won’t tell you the prices unless you register, and Homey don’t play that.

Okay, FOK them. Let’s go look at pictures of Italy; specifically, let’s look at pictures of Trulli Paparale vacation homes. Oh, YES, LORD, I’d love to visit there! It’s so far down the back of the boot of Italy it’s practically in Albania, so that would be different. Maybe I’ll just sit here in slothful comfort and look at the pictures. Yeah, I’ll do that.

Better yet, I’ll spend some time on the Angry Alien Productions site, exploring The 30-Second Bunny Theater Library. 30-second movie parodies! Performed by cartoon bunnies!! With voices by Kevin Spacey!!! OMG, THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW PERFORMED IN 30 SECONDS BY CARTOON BUNNIES WITH VOICES BY KEVIN SPACEY!!!!

Okay, I think I need a bit of a lie-down after that. Or maybe I can take my smartphone and film a Time Warp weight-loss exercise video and monetize it and make a billion bucks. Or, you know, not.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: Write about bunnies. Any kind of bunnies.

MA