Yesterday, I posted a bit from one of my Lonnie and Tiny stories. I read it to my critique group, and they made some little suggestions, so I guess it was good enough. But “good enough” isn’t good enough. The story felt thin to me.
So I thought about it.
Here’s how the story went:
- A throwaway incident, included only to justify a little exposition.
- A conflict expressed between Lonnie and Character B, foreshadowing the climactic incident.
- Stuff goes on.
- Suspicious quietness of the children.
- Character B pranks Lonnie.
Amusing story. But thin. Practically anorexic.
Plus: I FORGOT ABOUT THE DOGS! Tiny alone has three dogs; there are probably others in the neighborhood.
Now the story goes:
- An incident that seems throwaway, included only to justify a little exposition.
- A conflict expressed between Lonnie and Character B, foreshadowing the climactic incident
- An encounter between Lonnie and B, involving the previously apparently throwaway incident, which encounter motivates the prank.
- Stuff goes on, dogs locked up to keep them and the crowds on the street safe from each other. Dogs are making noise.
- Kids and dogs are quiet, probably amusing one another. BUT THEN
B pranks Lonnie.
This all added about 500 words to the story, and gave it some body. It’s still a thin little story, but it’s no longer a sketch. I’m happy with it now.
A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: Do you have a scene that feels a little thin? What are you leaving out? What could you fold into it that would connect to other parts of the narrative or even other elements of the same scene?
MA
Dan Antion
September 4, 2017 at 8:11amA couple of beers and a plate of ribs will fatten up that story.
Oh wait, that’s my story ?
Marian Allen
September 4, 2017 at 8:18am😀 LOL!
Jane
September 4, 2017 at 1:17pmLike thinning hair, being able to detect a thinning story may be a skill not so easily cultivated.
Marian Allen
September 4, 2017 at 2:29pmHave you been reading fortune cookies again? 😉 😀
Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt
September 4, 2017 at 3:42pmJust did that very thing – I put a tiny bit up on my post. It just wasn’t up to snuff – and my snuff detector kept complaining.
But you can’t just pad – what you add has to seem inevitable.
Layers. Like for cold weather: put on more layers.
Marian Allen
September 4, 2017 at 5:22pmNo, padding is bs. But what do you do when you think you need to cut something and your readers beg for it to stay? When, to them, it isn’t padding, even if you feel like it is?
Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt
September 4, 2017 at 5:41pmAdd a few words – turn padding into a necessary layer? It’s only padding if it’s not relevant and required for the story, IMHO.