First, Happy Easter!
Next, APRIL FOOLS!
Third, this is the first of the month, so there’s a new Hot Flash on my Hot Flashes page.
Speaking of fools, I’m going over the proof for my collection of Lonnie and Tiny stories, to be called LONNIE, ME, AND….
One of the stories is “Lonnie, Me, and the Ugly Dog Contest”. Of course, Tiny has entered Homer, who was named after home-made sin, which Tiny says Homer is as ugly as. Here’s an excerpt.
One Ugly Dog
excerpt from “Lonnie, Me, and the Ugly Dog Contest”
by Marian Allen
I got in from work to find Jack and Ella Maclemore’s youngest, Blaine, sitting in my place at the table scarfing down Star Crunches like they was M&Ms. I kind of eyeballed him, hoping he’d take the message and move, but he just eyeballed me back.
Mary Lee put a cup of decaf and a plate with a Star Crunch on it next to Blaine and patted the chair for me to sit there.
Blaine wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, in spite of the perfectly good folded up paper towel Mary Lee put next to his plate. “You see the news yet?”
Kid’s five and he talks like he’s fifty. Comes of being the youngest, with eleven years between him and his next-up brother.
“No,” I said. “What’s up?”
You never knew, with Blaine. It could be a new Lego toy at the big-box store, or it could be a horse rescue story, or even politics.
“We’re in the contest together.”
“The ugly dog contest.”
“Now, how is that possible,” I said, “when you don’t have an ugly dog?”
Truth is, Blaine had a dog so ugly, it looked like a burlap bag full of knuckles. I think it’s half toy pitbull and half Gollum with a side of bat. Blaine’s mom, Ella, found it dumped outside the warehouse where she’s night watchman and brought it home, and Blaine and it latched onto each other. It always made Blaine fighting mad if anybody remarked on her appearance – Lucy the dog, I mean, not Ella – so I was surprised he had entered her.
“You’re just being nice,” he said, like he was saying tormentful in place of nice. “Everybody keeps telling me how ugly Lucy is, so I’m entering her in the contest. Maybe I’ll get her a trophy and some special treats and get me some free books.”
Mary Lee patted Blaine’s shoulder and gave me a look, but I didn’t know what kind.
After Blaine practically licked his plate and sucked up about half a gallon of milk and left, I asked, “What was that all about?”
Mary Lee shook her head. “He’s been waiting for you to get home so he could tell you that.”
“You think he wants me to withdraw Homer?”
“No,” she said. “I think he wants Lucy to beat Homer.”
“Huh,” I said, and thought about Lucy a little. “She might, at that.”
If you just can’t wait:
Buy LONNIE, ME, AND THE HOUND OF HELL
A WRITING PROMPT BASED ON MY POST: Describe an ugly dog.