No Hating. No Killing. #IShouldNotHaveToTellYouThis

Dear people,

Stop. Just stop. You make me ashamed to be human, sometimes.

It is not okay to hate people, let alone to kill them. Not okay.NoHateIt is not okay to hate people because they’re a different shade than you are. It is not okay to hate people because they’re the same shade you are.

It is not okay to hate yourself.

It is not okay to hate people who worship a different form of the sublime transcendent than you worship. It is not okay to hate people who don’t worship at all, and it is not okay to hate people because they do worship.

It is not okay to hate people who were born a different gender from yours. It is not okay to hate people who were assigned a different gender at birth than they feel inside. It is not okay to hate people who love men or who love women, no, it is not okay, no matter which gender they identify as and which gender they feel attracted to.

No hating. No killing. It. Is. Not. Okay.

Don’t hate each other. Don’t be afraid of each other. Don’t kill each other.

Just don’t.

Visit the Southern Poverty Law Center’s resource-rich site for information and support in standing up to hate. Add yourself to their Stand Strong Against Hate map. Access teaching/learning materials on their Teaching Tolerance project page.

A WRITING PROMPT FOR YOU: Have a character stand up to friends who express hatred for another group.



I was born in Louisville, Kentucky, but now live in the woods in southern Indiana. Though I only write fiction, I love to read non-fiction. The more I learn about this world, the more fantastic I see it is.

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One thought on “No Hating. No Killing. #IShouldNotHaveToTellYouThis

  1. Dan

    June 22, 2015 at 7:10am

    Such a simple message – too often ignored.

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      June 22, 2015 at 8:32am

      We shouldn’t have to SAY it. It should be UNDERSTOOD without its being SAID. Apparently it isn’t. So I decided I needed to say it. Maybe if enough of us SAY it, we’ll all remember it and not have to be TOLD.

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  2. Pierre Laberge

    June 22, 2015 at 8:29am

    I’m less worried about people’s thoughts, than I am about their actions.
    What is in your head, your heart, may hurt you more than me. It’s when “you let it get out”, that the problem erupts, and does harm — maybe to me.

    Hate. Is it good or bad? Depends on whose side you are on. History tells us there are 2, sometimes more sides, to any issue. Consider Carthage vs Rome. Consider Japan vs the USA. It’s the actions that mattered. Not so much the thoughts. Both sides, being human, erred.

    Should the USA be punished for war crimes? Well, they hated the Japanese. Over one attack. So they nuked them, twice. But was that hate legal? Good? Bad? There were sound reasons for what Japan’s policy had been. On the other hand, there were sound reasons for what the USA did. It was less a matter of hate than action. In time, though, luckily, hate became co-operation.

    But the actions of both sides, meant a lot more in the world, than the feelings did. Rome obliterated Carthage. They were direct competitors. For them, the world was not enough. The thoughts, were about their political, military, and economic survival. Now, some years later, we see they could have both survived, had they not made war. At the time, they could not. Too bad they did not find a way to engage in a “cold” rather than a “hot” war.

    Apple or IBM? You’d be surprised at the arguments. Some show likes and dislikes, some go right to hate. Some stick to practical matters. Fortunately, that is the majority!

    Changing people’s hearts, is a rough and tough game. Think of “The cold War”. Well, thankfully, it did not “get hot”. Both sides now get along in a very few small things. The hope is that small things, like the ISS (one example), may lead to larger things. But that takes time. Since 1945, to 2015, some 70 years, more or less, only a little progress. On the other hand, my car and TV are Japanese. More progress was made in one relationship than another.

    May be better, in the short term, to ask people to keep their feelings to themselves, and not “act right now — on everything”. The problem, is not when people dislike, or even hate something. That can be dealt with in the long run. (Albeit it may take 70 or more years!) The problem, is when people get an overwhelming need or desire to act out! And, when they DO act out.

    Tell people “to don’t”, and right away, you have a conflict. Get them to control their actions first, and work on the hearts and minds later.

    Like me? Fine. Don’t like me? OK….. But if you leave me alone, and do not hurt me, well, I can live with that.

    So, it is self-control, we have to work on. But then you get some (thankfully few) people, who, seem to be a bit crazy. You’ll never get them to love. And, barring some “Big Brother” type intervention in society, you’ll always have them with you. (And do we want “Big Brother” type interventions?) But if we could find a way that they did not need to act on their hatreds….. If we could find a way to prevent them (Sadly, we’d have to use some small force.), to prevent them from acting out. This might prevent much tragedy. How to do it? I have no idea. That might require considerable effort.

    I do know one thing: If you can create common events, experiences, and needs in people — in other words, give them an outside challenge, you can get unlikely sides to ally. Again, how to do it?

    But, we sadly, always will have the violent with us. We’ll just have to take steps to protect ourselves from that violence. And that is sad, for protective steps, generally always seem to mean fewer rights, more bureaucracy, more resources “semi-wasted”.

    But short run change? Methinks we are going to (have to) be in for the long haul. There is no one answer. Giving people common ground, is one. Teaching love, or at least co-existence, another. It is NO small task. We’ll have to start by doing many, many very small things, over a long term.

    And as in all these tragic things, we are going to have to work the safety and prevention angles first. They are the easiest, the low fruit. The “we can at least do this now” items. Hearts and minds, take a long time. And they too, will need quite some planning, (and doing) eventually, I think. In the meantime, we can, and should do “the small things”, for want of better to do. A small start, but better than none.

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      June 22, 2015 at 8:58am

      Action is absolutely the bottom line, but action is driven by emotion plus reason, and reason is often twisted into rationalization by emotion.

      It is not okay to hate — Stating that here is my very small thing to do.

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      • Pierre Laberge

        June 22, 2015 at 9:17am

        And it is one small good start. Although, in many cases, hate, opportunity, resources, emotion, lack of emotion (eg empathy, sympathy), are all factors.

        We’re going to need a fair bit more study, and we’re going to have to do a lot of “cobbling together”, to make any progress on these incidents.

        In Norway, it was one thing, on a number of campuses, another. Most everyone thought churches were exempt, at least in North America. Sadly not the case. Getting a handle on things, is complicated that few of these incidents are similar enough. (Thankfully, there are few incidents!)

        Now, I see a trend, quickly developing, of some churches, especially where there “are reasons” actually having a trained, and armed person at their services! In many cases, the minister! Oh MY! Oh, I can see why. But it somehow, does not feel right to me. Same as giving Mr Jones, the AV teacher, a gun…. makes me quite uncomfortable. Might it “work”? Maybe. I worry about accidents, for one thing.

        How do you teach, motivate, train, cajole [etc.] people into keeping their feelings and emotion to themselves, or at least, expressing them in a non-violent way? How do we find a way to channel passion, into something useful?

        I have no answers. I do not even have all the questions. But if enough participate in the dialogue, then, well, something may come out of it. And it will have to be a varied dialogue!

        This may be an entirely (slightly of topic) set of writing prompts, though!

        Still, my little 2 cents, may inspire you to come up with some…

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        • Author

          Marian Allen

          June 22, 2015 at 10:33am

          One place change starts is with people who think hating and killing are NOT OKAY to say so publicly. Violent speech and violent entertainment and “reality” shows with people acting out their emotions are all around us. Those of us who believe it is NOT OKAY to hate, act out, or kill remain silent, because we’re certain that the NOT OKAYness of it is understood and doesn’t need to be stated. It does need to be stated, and the more of us who state it and live it the better.

          All other action can change various components of the problem, but it begins for me with my simply saying, no, hating and killing are NOT OKAY.

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  3. Jane

    June 22, 2015 at 8:35am

    Really strong, Marian.

    Well done.

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      June 22, 2015 at 9:03am

      I’m so disheartened by the atmosphere of righteous violence we live in. I understand people wanting to defend themselves, but when defending yourself becomes hurting and killing people you believe are potentially maybe probably someday somewhere really really dangerous …. No. Just no. It was never okay, and it isn’t okay now.

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  4. Jane

    June 23, 2015 at 9:12am

    Eugene Robinson was on MSNBC last night. He posed the question, not entirely unique, but aptly put: Where did (the Charlotte shooter) LEARN to hate like this? Answer: It oozed into his pores from the atmosphere around him, just like the stink that billows up from the sewers.

    It was awe-ful and chilling to hear this said so clearly and powerfully.

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      June 23, 2015 at 12:43pm

      That’s so right. That’s why I think it’s important for those of us who believe it’s not okay to hate to say so as well as to refrain from displaying hatred overtly. Otherwise, people who only hear hatred pushed at them think everybody else believes the same way but just don’t say so aloud.

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    • Pierre Laberge

      June 23, 2015 at 7:02pm

      Indeed, you have cracked the nut. People have to have a reason to hate, and they have to learn it, somehow. Or develop it somehow. And that IS the solution. Figure out the how and why. Then maybe it can be countervailed, or counterbalanced, or moderated. How to do that? Well, I do not know. But you cannot cure a disease, until you know the symptoms, causes, factors, and so forth.

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  5. Mitch Mitchell

    June 27, 2015 at 3:37pm

    Absolutely! There’s no reason for this mess. At the same time I refuse to allow the use of “that guy was insane” because it’s used way too often and, in this case, it was easily premeditated. Someone should have seen it coming… yet, like pretty much every other instance of things like this, no one seems to ever notice.

    Sigh… oh well, we just keep on keeping on…

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      June 27, 2015 at 6:28pm

      Mitch, my spam filter says it isn’t showing your link because you aren’t using a root domain. I’m not sure why my filter thinks that’s a Bad Thing, but I’m posting your link in this comment so people can follow and read it: <a href=""Reverse Racism? Let's Talk About Inclusion".

      The hate-filled shooter in Charleston may very well be insane — it’s pretty obvious he’s unbalanced, after all — but his kind of insanity is just an extreme of a disease that infected America from — Well, let’s say from the time that the founding fathers caved in to those who insisted that slavery wasn’t waging cruel war against an innocent people.

      We NEED to notice, and we need to KEEP ON noticing.

      Thanks for stopping and commenting.

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