Mother Nature Is NOT Funny

She thinks she is, but she isn’t.

Charlie and I are flexitarian: We’ll eat what’s put in front of us when we’re out, but we’re vegetarian at home. Somehow, this has gotten onto the animal grapevine. So far this spring, the following animals have meandered across the yard in front of the office window or across the road in front of my car.

  • groundhog
  • wild turkey
  • another wild turkey
  • rabbit
  • another wild turkey
  • another rabbit

The turkeys in particular are insultingly casual about it. They stroll around the middle of the road, reaching the verge in time to leap to safety if I don’t slow down or to strut in front of me if I stop.

Time was, I would have thought “turkey wrap”! Now, it’s more like “turkey rap”.


Yo! I am a wild turkey, and I’m here to say,
Shoulda been the symbol of the USA.
I’m smart and I’m noble
Don’t make a big show, believe me,
You see me
Just drive away and leave me.
You don’t scare me. You don’t eat meat.
Sit in your car and admit defeat.
Your eyes shed tears and your empty mouth drools
‘Cause I’m a wild turkey, and the turkey rules!

My natural sense of thrift forbids my killing him if I’m not going to eat him. Maybe I could kidnap him and force him to sign me as his manager.

WRITING PROMPT: Is your main character someone who would stop and wait for an animal to get out of the way, someone who would slow down and hope, someone who would let the animal worry about getting out of the way, or someone who would deliberately try to hit it?



I was born in Louisville, Kentucky, but now live in the woods in southern Indiana. Though I only write fiction, I love to read non-fiction. The more I learn about this world, the more fantastic I see it is.

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One thought on “Mother Nature Is NOT Funny

  1. damyanti

    May 20, 2011 at 4:28am

    I’m turning vegetarian at home too, and I Wish I saw so many animals on any given day. The only animals I meet on a regular basis are my fish, but I think you’ve heard enough about them on my blog already!

    Permalink  ⋅ Reply
    • Author

      Marian Allen

      May 20, 2011 at 8:29am

      I have NOT heard enough about your fish! They’re characters! 😀

      I didn’t see all those animals on one day, though they were all within a couple of weeks. One of those damn turkeys was in the road again yesterday. I was like, “My mother is in the car with me, and SHE isn’t vegetarian…!”

      Permalink  ⋅ Reply

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