How Close? #1LinerWeds

My late mother watched what I think was entirely too much situation comedy television; it made her crack wise, like, ALL the TIME. Sometimes it got a little too much.

“Mom,” I would say, “you’re driving me crazy!”

To which she would reply,

That’s not a drive, it’s a short putt.

::sigh::

This post is part of Linda G. Hill’s weekly blog hop, One-Liner Wednesday. If you have a one-liner or just like them, follow the link.

A WRITING PROMPT FROM ME TO YOU: Somebody drives somebody else crazy.

MA

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About

I was born in Louisville, Kentucky, but now live in the woods in southern Indiana. Though I only write fiction, I love to read non-fiction. The more I learn about this world, the more fantastic I see it is.

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One thought on “How Close? #1LinerWeds

  1. bikerchick57

    September 29, 2021 at 9:19am

    That is a lot of TV. Did your mom channel TV ads too? I’m wondering if she overused, “Where’s the beef?” like many others did.

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      September 29, 2021 at 9:25am

      Oh, yes, she channeled commercials. “Good to the last drop” got a lot of play.

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      • bikerchick57

        September 29, 2021 at 9:28am

        Maybe your mom was a frustrated stand-up comedian and you were her audience. Probably fond and funny memories now, but not so much back then.

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        • Author

          Marian Allen

          September 29, 2021 at 9:35am

          You are so right on all counts. She WAS funny as heck. Back when I was young and struggling with self-esteem and self-actualization, zingers weren’t helpful. Now, though, I can look back and grind my teeth — er, I mean laugh.

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  2. Dan Antion

    September 29, 2021 at 8:02pm

    You come from a long line of rich one-liner sources. That’s great.

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      September 30, 2021 at 9:37am

      Back in the day, Sergeant Bilko (Phil Silvers). Let’s see…. Barney Miller, All in the Family, The Jeffersons, Frasier. After that, she said sitcoms were all about sexual innuendo and she lost interest. Cheap laughs. I could never get her to watch The Big Bang Theory, so I still haven’t seen more than a couple of episodes, because Charlie wouldn’t watch them at all and I only watched with her.

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  3. acflory

    October 2, 2021 at 5:23am

    lol – so, was your Mum a golfer? Or did she simply learn all those lines from the tv?

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    • Author

      Marian Allen

      October 2, 2021 at 1:49pm

      She learned them from tv. The only golf she played was miniature golf.

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      • acflory

        October 3, 2021 at 3:25am

        Oh! Well, at least your Mum had a wicked sense of humour. My Mum spent the last couple of years housebound watching The Bold and the Beautiful. 🙁

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        • Author

          Marian Allen

          October 4, 2021 at 9:32am

          My mom spent the last of her years housebound, too, watching Murder She Wrote, Columbo, and The Rockford Files.

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          • acflory

            October 4, 2021 at 8:37pm

            I admit to quite enjoying Murder She Wrote and Columbo, back in the day. Don’t remember the Rockford Files.
            Part of the reason I’ve spent years volunteering to teach adults how to use computers is because of my Mum’s experience of being ‘locked in’. She would not have known one end of the a computer from the other, but I always wondered how much longer she might have lived had she been able to escape into the internet. :/

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            • Author

              Marian Allen

              October 5, 2021 at 8:10am

              There was probably nothing you could have done. My mother was computer savvy before I was because of her job in accounting, but her dementia robbed her of that. She forgot how to use the software and even how to connect to the internet (she had dial-up). The television, with the “oldies” channels, were wonderful for her. (The Rockford Files was a show with James Gardner as a cheap detective living in a trailer on the beach; he had been imprisoned for a while and had some shady friends. It was pretty funny.)

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              • acflory

                October 5, 2021 at 10:21pm

                Oh Marian, I am so sorry. I didn’t realise your Mum had dementia. My Dad had it too. 🙁

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                • Author

                  Marian Allen

                  October 6, 2021 at 9:07am

                  She lived in her own home until the last month of her life. I believe she could have shuffled on for longer, but I was afraid she would fall. She had a feeding device on a pole that she pushed around, a cane, and an oxygen tube, and that was just too much tripping hazard. All she did was sit with the tv on, but she could dress herself, do her own bathroom stuff, and give the cat a little food now and then. I live next door, so I was there at least half of the day. She liked being in her own home. Funny story: I arranged for Home Health to come in a few times a week, supposedly to give me a break, but she insisted on my being there when they were, so not so much. 😀

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                  • acflory

                    October 6, 2021 at 7:06pm

                    -hugs- The progress of your Mum’s dementia sounds very similar to my Dad’s. Dad always played the violin, but in his 60’s my ex suggested he go busking [as a joke]. Dad took him up on it and became kind of famous. He went into the city every single day for over twenty years, even after it became obvious that his mind was slipping. After Mum died he came to live with us and I’d go pick him up from the bus stop every night just before dinner. Dinner conversations were like a three-legged dog because Dad had lost his English and the Offspring only spoke one or two words of Hungarian. But…he was happy and healthy until he had a fall. He died six weeks later at 89. I think focusing on what they /can/ do, especially if it’s something they love, reduces the impact of the dementia. Dad became a sweet stranger, but every now and then there’d be a flash of the old Dad, the one I’d adored as a kid.

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                    • Author

                      Marian Allen

                      October 7, 2021 at 9:21am

                      -hugs to you- Your dad sounds like a wonderful man, as my mom was a wonderful woman. She used to knit mittens all summer to take to the schools and youth center in the winter for kids whose families couldn’t afford them. <3

                    • acflory

                      October 8, 2021 at 1:18am

                      I wish I’d met her, Marian. She sounds like such a big hearted person. Keeping her memory alive is important.

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